Cotton Candy on a Rainy Day

«Don’t look now

I’m fading away
Into the gray of my mornings
Or the blues of every night

Is it that my nails
keep breaking
Or maybe the corn
on my second little piggy
Things keep popping out
on my face
or
of my life

It seems no matter how
I try I become more difficult
to hold
I am not an easy woman
to want

They have asked
the psychiatrists     psychologists     politicians and
social workers
What this decade will be
known for
There is no doubt          it is
loneliness

If loneliness were a grape
the wine would be vintage
If it were a wood
the furniture would be mahogany
But since it is life          it is
Cotton Candy
on a rainy day
The sweet soft essence
of possibility
Never quite maturing

I have prided myself
On being in that great tradition
albeit circus
That the show must go on
Though in my community the vernacular is
One Monkey Don’t Stop the Show

We all line up
at some midway point
To thread our way through
the boredom and futility
Looking for the blue ribbon and gold medal

Mostly these are seen as food labels

We are consumed by people who sing
the same old song          STAY:
                                                     as sweet as you are
in my corner
Or perhaps                                    just a little bit longer
But whatever you do                     don’t change baby baby don’t change
Something needs to change

Everything     some say     will change
I need a change
of pace     face     attitude and life
Though I long for my loneliness
I know I need something
Or someone.
Or…..

I strangle my words as easily as I do my tears
I stifle my screams as frequently as I flash my smile
it means nothing
I am cotton candy on a rainy day
the unrealized dream of an idea unborn

I share with the painters the desire
To put a three-dimensional picture
On a one-dimensional surface»

(by Nikki Giovanni, Cotton Candy On a Rainy Day, 2011)

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